Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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