What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
