If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
