i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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