I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
