you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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