You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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