my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
