P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
