somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
