omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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