Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
