I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
