On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
