he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
