Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
