I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
