I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
