why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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