he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
