my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
