Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
