she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
