Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
