My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
