My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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