It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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