I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
