i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize