oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
