Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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