The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
