you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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