Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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