Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize