he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Someone shattered a urinal.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
