3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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