I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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