another moral hangover. fuck.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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