So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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