and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
