There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.