Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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