I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night