i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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