you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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