Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
