Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
