I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
