1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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