I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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