how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
