The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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