i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
