I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
