It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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