found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
