Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize