How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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