at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
