I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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