omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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