my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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