I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
