Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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