I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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