don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
