No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
