Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
