$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
