You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
